Hello, my name is Melissa and I am a recovering perfectionist. Being a perfectionist may not seem like such a bad thing at first. I mean, its helped me get good grades all through school and I excelled in the hobbies I had talent in. But, being a perfectionist has stolen lots of happy moments from my life.
As early as kindergarten I remember trying to make perfect letters and numbers on every page of homework. Erasing over and over until the paper was full of eraser holes and I was on the floor in a pile of tears and frustration. It takes me forever to pick the best dish to eat at a restaurant. Seriously, I cant just pick something that's going to be good, I HAVE compare each dish to the other, slowly going through a process of elimination to pick the perfect dish that I will absolutely love. This means I often give up and order the same things over and over and I always order last. Perfectionism kills my hobbies, because if I can't do it perfectly every time I get really disappointed and all my inspiration goes right out the window, often times I quit.
The thing is, perfectionism even takes the fun out of success because nothing is ever good enough. Everything has room for improvement. Worst of all the fear of doing badly will make me quit before I have even started.
Recently I have realized that my obsessive perfectionism was taking all the fun out of blogging. It takes me literally hours, sometimes days to get a post to the point where I think its good enough to publish. I edit and re-edit every post far more times then necessary. I over think every sentence. Its exhausting and seriously not fun anymore.
I hate this perfectionism. I want to get rid of it and find my love for blogging again, so over next few weeks I am going to try to post at least 2-3 times a week on this blog (and I am not going to worry if I miss one, because that would be perfectionistic, right!). I am not going to freak out if things aren't perfect. My pictures may not be portfolio worthy and I'm not going to win any awards with my writing, but hopefully I will find that inner joy that springs forth when I am documenting life around me.
I would NEVER have guessed that about you...and it's for a very flattering reason: you are sooooooooo artsy. I guess when you explain perfectionism the way you did, I can understand how you feel it describes you. But, my impression is that perfectionists don't take chances on art - too risky, right? Either way, I really like what you produce, share and put out here. How about another sewalong?!? :-) [That was only my *favorite* thing on the internet EVER!!!!]
Hey, so apropos perfectionism & project angst - do you sometimes feel drained by what you create? I mean, after you have finished, do you feel completely spent and empty? Or, do you feel gratified and ready to move on to the next thing? I have experienced both, and am just curious if either of those resonate with you.
Posted by: Tanya | February 14, 2012 at 08:08 AM
PS: I forgot to write that I order the same things over and over from menus, as well....for the reasons you wrote. Also, I'm pretty sure everyone double checks what they blog before hitting the "publish" button. It's a big deal, after all. One word chosen hastily turns into 4,000 misunderstandings.... [well, not really, but you know what I mean :-) -- blogging takes a lot of strength.]
Posted by: Tanya | February 14, 2012 at 08:13 AM
I am happy I am not so obvious! You know what I do with art... If I am worried I wont like it when it's done I just won't finish it. That happens a lot.
I do feel drained sometimes, but usually when I am doing a project that I don't want to do anymore and I am just trying to finish it. Or if I am disappointed with how its turning out then it takes all the excitement about the project out of me.
I was thrilled when I made Brae's curtains a couple weeks ago. It had been the first time I used my sewing machine in months and I suddenly woke up and decided to sew curtains. By 10:30am I had the curtains done, they looked perfect, and I didn't make a single mistake the whole way. I was thrilled. lol but then again, they came out perfect, so of course I was thrilled!
You want to hear something weird about me eating out. I am on autopilot when ordering from every place except a sushi bar. I will eat any sushi you put in front of me, I don't even need to know what it is or if it's raw or not. I will eat it without a second thought.
Posted by: Melissa | February 14, 2012 at 09:05 AM