Elemental Stitches

Perfectionism Interrupted

Hello, my name is Melissa and I am a recovering perfectionist.  Being a perfectionist may not seem like such a bad thing at first.  I mean, its helped me get good grades all through school and I excelled in the hobbies I had talent in.  But, being a perfectionist has stolen lots of happy moments from my life. 

As early as kindergarten I remember trying to make perfect letters and numbers on every page of homework.  Erasing over and over until the paper was full of eraser holes and I was on the floor in a pile of tears and frustration.  It takes me forever to pick the best dish to eat at a restaurant.  Seriously, I cant just pick something that's going to be good, I HAVE compare each dish to the other, slowly going through a process of elimination to pick the perfect dish that I will absolutely love.  This means I often give up and order the same things over and over and I always order last.  Perfectionism kills my hobbies, because if I can't do it perfectly every time I get really disappointed and all my inspiration goes right out the window, often times I quit.

The thing is, perfectionism even takes the fun out of success because nothing is ever good enough.  Everything has room for improvement.  Worst of all the fear of doing badly will make me quit before I have even started.

Recently I have realized that my obsessive perfectionism was taking all the fun out of blogging.  It takes me literally hours, sometimes days to get a post to the point where I think its good enough to publish.  I edit and re-edit every post far more times then necessary.  I over think every sentence.  Its exhausting and seriously not fun anymore.

I hate this perfectionism.  I want to get rid of it and find my love for blogging again, so over next few weeks I am going to try to post at least 2-3 times a week on this blog (and I am not going to worry if I miss one, because that would be perfectionistic, right!).  I am not going to freak out if things aren't perfect.  My pictures may not be portfolio worthy and I'm not going to win any awards with my writing, but hopefully I will find that inner joy that springs forth when I am documenting life around me.

Right Now

So I know I am totally ripping off Amanda from Soulemama, but I love this type of post.  What a perfect way to record little memories, those beautiful little moments that make my life complete. 

Right now, I am...

+ re-reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.  It still sounds a bit preachy, but I'm loving the story.

+ wishing I got my chickens this weekend.  Yes, our new family members are three hens who will provide us with lovely eggs.  We had to postpone our Saturday trip to the coast to get them.  Next Saturday is the new chicken day.  Also reading Keeping Chickens by Ashley English, wishing I had Home Dairy, and the room to keep my own bees.  Melissa means honeybee so I kinda have a soft spot for the little buzzy creatures.

+ adoring the Blackrose socks I just finished.  Pictures coming.  As soon as I figure out how to take a decent picture of my feet.

+ loving the first week of summer break with my daughter.

+ listening to her first phone call with a friend from kindergarten.

+ planning for big changes in the next two years.

+ wanting to eat more loquats from my neighbor's tree, but knowing that the fifteen or so I ate last night were enough for this week.

+ planting a new bed of Ruby Red Swiss Chard in the new garden bed I built last week.

+ imagining just how heart-shaped the heart-shaped tomatoes are going to be.

+ thanking Tom for, how do I put this into words... everything he does to keep us going.

+ wondering if I should dye the beautiful wool yarn that Tanya sent me before or after I knit a pair of these socks (ravelry link)?

+ eating loads of baby greens, shallots, potatoes and peas from my garden.

+ enjoying the hot weather and the easily tanned skin my father passed down to me.

+ watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 for the first time and loving every minute.

+ attempting to convince myself to cancel cable tv for the summer.

+ wearing tank tops everyday because I can.

+ researching my family tree and getting lost for hours in the amazing stories of survival and hardship I am finding.

+ trying to find new books to read this summer.  Any suggestions?

Weekend in Pictures - Deck the Halls

We rested.

We found.

We sang.

We decked the halls.

Our Weekend in Pictures

Boyfriends

I wasn't planning on another post today but I had to share.

This morning I took my munchkin to kindergarten and as we walked toward the line in front of her class she stopped suddenly and said,

"Mom, wait!"  She pulled me down and whispered in my ear.  "That's him Mom!  That's Armando."  She pointed discretely in the direction of the boy walking a few yards ahead of us.  "No DON'T look!"

I snuck a peak anyway.  How could I resist!  Armando, an adorable little boy with a mohawk, my daughters first crush.  Tom is going to love this. 

She came home last week and showed me a picture she drew of her and Armando with hearts over their heads "crushing" on each other.  The same day she got another boy in trouble because he chased her around the playground all recess.  Then the next day, she got in trouble for chasing him all around at recess.

It is an indescribable feeling, my heart surging with joy, almost seeming like it will burst out of my chest (or maybe my eyes).  To see her making friends, and kindergarten "boyfriends".  You can't understand it unless you are a parent yourself.  The joy of seeing your ultimate creation, the one you put the most time, effort and energy into, succeeding and happy.

Away For The Weekend

Its my birthday today.  I will be spending it with friends and family.  I am hoping to see the newest Harry Potter with my Honey.  The first movie I have seen in a long time.  Monday is Tom's birthday, so we will be busy eating lots of cake and ice cream this weekend.

I have an update on my owl embroidery coming next.  I am a little stumped on what to do next, but maybe you all can help me.

I wanted you all to check out my newish photoblog.  I am doing a 365 day project.  That means that I am taking pictures everyday and posting them to my flickr and blog.  It is great inspiration and has gotten me to practice and enjoy photography more.  

The picture above was taken on Saturday when we picked the remaining pears in the Orchard.  Something about it reminded me of a painting.  Enjoy this splendid October weekend!

Sorrow in the Corral

The above horse is Thunderheart

I wrote this post on Saturday but I felt like it wasn't finished for some reason.  On Monday I found out why.  On Monday our spotted horse (Appaloosa for anyone who cares), Trouble passed away with colic.  Anyone who has had a baby with colic knows that you are up walking them all night or day long.  You have to keep the horse on his feet because if he lays down you have to pull him to his feet.  Colic is not much different with horses, still gas.  The big difference is that colic can easily kill a horse.  I spent all day on Monday walking through the sand in the corral.  This is like walking through dry beach sand in flip flipflops; tough on the legs.  Massaging his quivering belly, pulling with everything I had to get him to his feet, and succeeding twice.  Still, he was an old horse probably in his upper 20s.  We rescued him from a guy who couldn't afford to feed him anymore.  He originally was  a police horse that had been retired and sold.  Before that who knows.  I am exhausted and sore.  We postponed our trip until Wednesday.  Below is the post I wrote on Saturday about Trouble and our newest horse Thunderheart. 

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Horses are one of the most fun pets to have.  They are pets, tools, and transportation all rolled into one.  Most of our horses are retired.  We do not believe that just because a horse is old and cannot be ridden that it should be put down.  So when we have room and we come across a horse who needs a place to stay we bring him or her home for good. 

Right now we are staying at Tom's father ranch.  As I mentioned before Brae and I are staying with relatives until Tom is finished on the vineyard.  Its been tough not having a house.  I don't have my things, our routines are messed up, but there are really great things about spending so much time with family after such a long absence.  One of the things that makes not having a home less hard is the horses.  I have loved horses since I was a little girl Brae's age and I begged my mother for one for years, but never got one.  For me horses are the ultimate symbol of freedom and strength.  I always fantasized about riding bareback on a chestnut horse with my head thrown back and hair flying behind me.  My arms thrown open as if to hug the sky or the freedom perhaps.

Tom's dad, Bud, was born in 1929.  Can you believe that!  My mind is boggled by the experiences he must have had in the last 80 years.  Bud adheres to a morning and afternoon feeding schedule like clockwork.  I think the horses are as therapeutic for him as they are for me.  The horses are so happy to see him coming.  They stomp and whinney, throwing their heads around and running around their stalls in excitement. 

Brae has never lived with horses before.  She doesn't seem to be too scared of them.  Their size is intimidating, of course.  They even scare me with their size.  She loves to fill up their water buckets, brush the sand off their coats and comb out their tails.  Tom has grown up around horses.  He owned 9 of his own at age 14.  He made money (and got more horses) as a teenager buying or trading for roughed up, ungroomed or badly trained horses.  He would fix them up, make them healthy and sell them to responsible owners at a profit.

The above horse is Trouble

The spotted one's name is Trouble and boy can he be a bowlful of Trouble!  This retired police horse threw me off his back after deciding that he wanted to check out a pretty mare in heat and he wanted to jump over two giant bushes to get there.  I had never jumped a horse before.  I made the first jump but I slid down the side of the saddle.  I didn't have enough time to re-adjust before the second jump.  I fell off the side and rolled like I was taught in kiddie soccer landing mostly on my lower back.  I couldn't walk for a week and I couldn't sit normally for almost 3 months.  I still have trouble sitting in hard chairs.  Really, it wasn't his fault, it was mine for not having control of him and my friends for not telling me that her mare was in season.  He is a really sweet and gentle horse that I ride all the time. 

They are such expressive animals.  I could stare into a horse's big eyes for a long time.  Their eyelashes are long and luxurious, lashes that any supermodel would be jealous of.  They may not talk like people but if you pay attention you will see them toss their heads to say hello, nuzzle you with their nose, lick your hand like a lollipop, stop their feet, run around their stalls, buck, or do this...

He gives you "the butt", its like flipping you off.  Its rather irritating to be given "the butt".  Its like being mooned.  He is saying, "you were ignoring me and so now I am ignoring you".  Or "you are not feeding me you jerk". 

I am happy that Brae has the opportunity to help take care of them.  We haven't been able to get her a pet to call her own yet so it is good for her to have something to feed and brush.  She has a blast feeding the horses handfuls of hay.  Well this is a long enough post for one day!  Until tomorrow!

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The other horses are in mourning.  Its so sad to see them.  They look sad.  Its obvious.

I love the innocent emotions of animals.  Only babies have that innocence :)

You Have Been Charged With...

Today I woke up at 5am to go to traffic court.  No one ever wants to go to court.  With knots in my stomach I reached for the phone to call Tom.  I can always count on him to calm my fears and to tell me that my worries are ridiculous (they usually are).  Tom wakes up at 5 am to start work on the vineyard so I knew he would like a wake up call too.  Unfortunately, his assurance that everything would go fine, "its just a traffic ticket", didn't calm my churning intestinal system. 

Of course, it went off without a hitch.  I was the first person in line, the first person at the ticket window, and the 4th to last person called in the courtroom.  It took forever in there!  Have you ever been to traffic court?  The judge and bailiff are so intimidating! 

Don't you hate when they make you choose whether you are guilty, not guilty, or no contest?  It is hard for me to admit that I am guilty of anything.  I am the person who follows every rule or law to a T.  I never got in trouble in school or any other place so saying that word GUILTY was extra difficult.  That's why I said no contest.  It means the same thing as guilty, but without the extra guilt!

A wave of relief passed over me as I left.  That was one major thing that I can check off my list of things to do this fall and winter.  A huge thing.  Checking that one off makes me want to check off more things but they will have to wait for at least one day of R&R.

Until Tomorrow!

Independance Day Festivities

When I woke up yesterday I fully expected to be spending the evening with Brae, at home, wishing Tom was here to spend the holiday with me.  Luckily a friend pulled me out of my "missing Tom funk" and we went to a local fireworks show.  I was amazed by the amount of people there.  A live band was playing all American classics, vendors were selling hot dogs, hamburgers and lemonade.  At least a thousand people were sitting on blankets, lawn chairs, sleeping bags, in tents and on cots.  Children were running around high on adrenaline and sugar.  It swept all my blues away. 

The fireworks were great.  Brae wasn't as impressed as I thought she would be.  She was all smiles for about 3 minutes then she turns to me and asks if we could go home now.  We finished the show, fought through waves of migrating people and cars, and within minutes of climbing into her car seat she was asleep.  Hope you had a lovely Independence Day.

Gifts and Life Lessons

Last Monday was the most amazing day.  The morning started off with getting my munchkin off to pre-school.  Afterward I packaged up the chicken I had been marinating in BBQ sauce for the last 24 hours, a bag of sweet potatoes, and several french rolls.  Tom and I piled in the truck and headed to one of our favorite beaches for another beach-side BBQ.  Our friends Kenny, Mario and Noel were unloading food when we arrived. 

Something must be said of Mario and Noel, two brothers, who are chefs from Mexico.  They are both work in very popular Mexican restaurants in the San Fransisco Bay area and they make FABULOUS lunch!  Corn tortillas, marinated carne asada, grilled onion, grilled hot peppers, several kinds of chicken in different marinades, a large hunk of roast, BBQ roasted sweet potatoes, grilled oranges, first pick of the season apricots and peaches, fat hunks of bread and huge jugs of water and bottles of local beer from the Microbrewery.

Can we say Heaven??

You know what the worst part was?  I was so busy eating that I forgot to take pictures of all the food.  Yea, I know!  How could I forget about the food!

You will not be disappointed, however.  Keep reading...

So, this month has been life changing for us.  I got a photography internship, Tom scored a possible career position making way more then he was not too long ago and doing something he adores.  I am graduating... 

yes, graduating in June.  It really hasn't hit me yet.  That's why there are no exclamation points.  It hasn't hit me that I scored a great internship with a photographer, my husband scored a great job, I can probably move into a house this summer instead of an apartment and best of all I don't have to write anymore papers or take any more midterms!  Okay maybe it is starting to hit me now. 

Anyway, I was thinking about all of this on my walk on the beach.  After gorging on food I decided to take some photos of the windsurfers that were playing in the ocean.  It seemed like all the windsurfers started showing up on their lunch hour or something and I thought they would make exciting pictures. 

The wind that day was WILD!  I grew up in a very very windy place (ever heard of the Santa Anna winds in California?) and this wind was very strong.   Relentlessly blowing 4o+ mph in the exposed areas, which is where I had to stand to get close enough to the windsurfers. 

After taking a gazillion pictures I started looking for shells.  This particular beach is near an abalone farm and abalone shells are my all time favorite.  Looking for shells is a lot like a walking meditation for me.  The wind and blowing sand (you can see it in the picture) really added to that feeling.  It was cleansing all the impurities on the beach and within me and taking them away.  I started to feel really thankful for everything I have been given this past month.  The rest of the world is in turmoil and our own country is coming out of crisis, but we have really been blessed so far this year.

Then I spotted it, a full abalone shell!  I rarely find whole ones!  I literally jumped for joy.  I glanced a few feet ahead of me and my heart skipped a beat.  Could it be...

Half buried in the sand was another full abalone shell.  Another few feet, more gorgeous shells.  I was giddy stuffing my jeans and jacket with shells.  Then that's when I saw it.

Lying in the sand near some low rocks, about 8 feet in front of me was a young elephant seal.  

My first thought was "Is it Dead?".  I quickly saw that he was breathing, but that his eyes were crusted from sand and he was pretty far from the current tide level.  It had been high tide about 3 hours earlier so I think he had gotten stuck at some time around then.  I tried to encourage him to move toward the water but he barely responded until I touched his back.  He looked up at me with his mouth wide and full of baby teeth.  He was so adorable and so pathetic all at once. 

No one else was around on the beach and my friends were an exhausting hike to the other end of the beach so I was on my own for this one.  I snapped a couple pictures for my blog,  wrapped my camera in my jacket, stuffed it in a niche in the cliff-side and pulled up my pant legs.  I dragged him back to the water, ignoring the blowing sand that was biting into my legs and my shirt which the wind seemed determined to rip off my body.  He was heavy, between 70-90 lbs, but when the first wave washed over him he came to life and began pulling himself into the sea.  I stood there watching him swim swiftly through the waves before disappearing.

I felt like I was given a gift.  And it reaffirmed the life lesson that I have had to learn over and over.  Even when it seems like everything is lost and their is nothing that will save you, someone might come along and push you back in the water.  So never give up.