Elemental Stitches

Perfectionism Interrupted

Hello, my name is Melissa and I am a recovering perfectionist.  Being a perfectionist may not seem like such a bad thing at first.  I mean, its helped me get good grades all through school and I excelled in the hobbies I had talent in.  But, being a perfectionist has stolen lots of happy moments from my life. 

As early as kindergarten I remember trying to make perfect letters and numbers on every page of homework.  Erasing over and over until the paper was full of eraser holes and I was on the floor in a pile of tears and frustration.  It takes me forever to pick the best dish to eat at a restaurant.  Seriously, I cant just pick something that's going to be good, I HAVE compare each dish to the other, slowly going through a process of elimination to pick the perfect dish that I will absolutely love.  This means I often give up and order the same things over and over and I always order last.  Perfectionism kills my hobbies, because if I can't do it perfectly every time I get really disappointed and all my inspiration goes right out the window, often times I quit.

The thing is, perfectionism even takes the fun out of success because nothing is ever good enough.  Everything has room for improvement.  Worst of all the fear of doing badly will make me quit before I have even started.

Recently I have realized that my obsessive perfectionism was taking all the fun out of blogging.  It takes me literally hours, sometimes days to get a post to the point where I think its good enough to publish.  I edit and re-edit every post far more times then necessary.  I over think every sentence.  Its exhausting and seriously not fun anymore.

I hate this perfectionism.  I want to get rid of it and find my love for blogging again, so over next few weeks I am going to try to post at least 2-3 times a week on this blog (and I am not going to worry if I miss one, because that would be perfectionistic, right!).  I am not going to freak out if things aren't perfect.  My pictures may not be portfolio worthy and I'm not going to win any awards with my writing, but hopefully I will find that inner joy that springs forth when I am documenting life around me.

Sewing Memories

I love reading through your stories!  If you haven't entered the book contest you should check it out here. 

My sewing story is similar to many of yours.  I think my first sewing project was an apron I made in Girl Scouts when I was about 7 or 8.  I cant remember what happened to that apron or if I even finished it.  I hated girl scouts, I was more of a boy scout, so I quit after a couple of meetings. 

I also remember embroidering and hand sewing a stuffed snake.  I couldn't have been older then 10.  I invented the pattern, embroidery and everything.  I didn't even know what I was doing was called embroidery, but I knew that a snake needed some sort of scale decoration so I embroidered some.  I have seen this snake at my mom's recently.  I know she still has it somewhere.

The next thing I made was a stuffed dog from a kit.  I was in Home Economics in 7th grade.  I actually still have that dog somewhere.  He came out great!  It had to!  I was a psycho perfectionist when I was a kid.  Everything had to be perfect.

Not many people in my life sewed.  I didn't have grandma's that crafted.  My mom did macrame and crochet in the 80s and I remember thinking that was cool.  My greatest crafting influence came from my experiences with my best friend, Jasper's family.  She lived nearby when I was in 1-2 grade.  Her mother made all of their clothes (for 5 people), sewed beautiful quilts from scraps, made them toys, baked her own bread, and had a thriving vegetable garden.  She was a true blue homesteader.

I spent a lot of time at her house and I remember playing with small scraps of fabric and beads.  Us kids had a blast harvesting sunflower seeds from their garden, playing in the pool, building our own forts, and helping to bake in the kitchen.  Their family meant a lot to me. 

Unfortunately, I also remember a lot of sorrow and tragedy associated with my last memories of them.  One of Jasper's little brothers, whom I played with often, drowned in their pool as a toddler.  I didn't really understand what that meant at the time, but I remember the heavy feeling of sorrow in the air that lasted for months.  It wasn't long after that when their house caught fire and burned to the ground during the night.  Everyone was able to escape, but Jasper and her family moved away that night and I never saw or heard from them again.

I have often wondered what happened to them.  My friend's mom made such an impression on me as a child.  I feel like a lot of my current beliefs and values about homemade and homegrown come from my experiences with her family.  I hope that someday I might find out where they went and what happened to them.

Thanks

Hey Everyone!  Check out the Sew, Mama, Sew blog and see me in there Handcrafted Holidays Meme section.  It was a post full of Melissas.  With Melissa at One Crafty Mumma and my own post, the Melissas were taking over!

I finished more of those little holiday embroideries.  They came out smashing!!!  I cant wait to get some photos up later today and show all of you! 

I really encourage those people who want to try embroidery to just pick up some supplies and start a project.  The first ones are going to be wonky but the more you do the better you get.  I see myself improve with every project I finish, in embroidery and sewing.  Practice truly does make perfect.

More pics later today and a holiday purging/giveaway coming soon (you knitters are going to love me...)

Handcrafter's Holidays Meme Pt. 1

Hello Everyone!  I have a bit more free time on my hands today.  My last two papers are almost finished and I haven't received my linen yet, so I thought I would answer some of the questions on Sew, Mama, Sew's Handmade Holidays meme.

1.  What is your favorite family holiday tradition?

I think it would have to be decorating the house and the Christmas tree.  My mom always waited until the last minute to get a Christmas tree and so we usually decorated it around winter solstice.   She has a particular way she likes to do the tree but every year she would allow my sister and I to add and change things that we wanted.  My sister and I don't usually get to decorate the tree anymore but my little brother is eight and he has lots of great ideas.

Another holiday tradition that was strong in my family centered around food and baking.  My step-father has an ancient gray recipe box filled with handwritten recipes on pieces of card stock.  The names of the cookies sounded strange like Sour Milk Cookies and Ice Box Cookies, but they always came out great.  My mom made candy.  She would make chocolate lollipops and Santa Clauses.  For easter she made elaborate chocolate eggs and bunnies.  Looking back on it, she was a rather creative person herself.

2.   Have you started any new traditions with your family that you didn’t practice growing up?

Yes.  My mom usually started the Christmas season pretty late.  I don't know when we got our tree when I was a child, but when I was a teenager we got our tree within days of Christmas.  I start Christmas much earlier, Dec 1 is my traditional date to take out the decorations and music.  My husband and daughter help me decorate.  It worked wonders on Tom's mood this year.  He was in a funk and decorating snapped him right out of it.  He is a sucker for holidays.

3.  What do you love most about the holiday season?

During the Christmas season people in general are much nicer, unless you are shopping, then watch out.  Charities get lots of donations during Christmas, people are more likely to volunteer, and general good feeling toward strangers is higher.  I wish this happened all year.

4.  What do you like least about the holiday season?

Commercialism.  I hate how Christmas decorations are out in stores before Halloween.  That is not right.  What happened to Thanksgiving people???  That is just the beginning...

5.  Anyone close to your heart that you’ll be missing this year?



This is my dad who died on Dec 2. 2006.

and John Allen, my BFF from High School who died in Iraq this year

and Tom's BFF Doah who will be in Iraq for the 6th year next year.

May he come home safe.

6.  What is your favorite holiday food?

The holidays are not complete without Turkey, preferably two.  I cannot forget the spiral ham cut from Aunty Cyndia's pigs at her Yule party every year.

More coming soon.

Nearing the End

I only have 2 days of classes left and one final test next week (lets not forget I have 2 final papers due Fri and Mon)!  My bloggy themed paper is coming along well.  It was really fun to write this paper because I had a great excuse to wander the archives of my favorite blogs.  Unfortunately it will not be as comprehensive as I originally planned.  My instructors felt that I had too much data to work with and that with what I had I could start a dissertation!  The paper is only 5-7 pages (very short for college papers) and I dont have enough space to write out everything.  I dont know why I am complaining... this means less work right? 

Crafting time comes when I cannot fathom reading another sentence that sounds like this, "These conditions forge labor's critical consciousness, encompassing, on the one hand, a negative immanent critique of state socialism for its failure to live up to its claims of superior efficiency and equality, and, on the other hand, a positive vision for an alternative order based on worker self-management."   Blah blah blah blah... reading this stuff is one way to cure insomnia...

I promise that in a week I will be talking all about crafting an no school until Jan 7th when we start a new quarter.   I am super excited about my next series of classes!  I am taking Multimedia Ethnography (an exciting emerging field), Anthropological Folklore (sounds interesting since I love myth) and Anthropology of Religion (we are learning about all sorts of great things here). 

I am already working on my idea for Multimedia Ethnography.  My plans are to show how Native American peoples from reservations are attempting to acclimate to the United States while still maintaining their cultural heritage.  I emphasize attempting because the Native Americans are now considered a 4th world country, which is a relatively new term describing a culture that is directly oppressed by another political power within their native homeland.  Tibet is another example (China claims Tibet as part of their country, but folks from Tibet claim otherwise.  Mongolia too, except Mongolia is being ripped apart by Russia and China). 

I could go on for pages about the wrongs that the US government is still doing to the Native Americans but that is for another day.  One thing I want to make clear is that reservations are not considered part of the United States.  Reservations do not get the "perks" that a city gets.  Many people in reservations do not have access to schools, hospitals, hot water, or in many cases electricity or gas (means no heat).  Native peoples are dying of starvation hours from major cities. 

The best example of Native American poverty is Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota.  The population of the Reservation is around 30,000 with Shannon as the poorest county in the nation (the US nation), with an average annual family income of $3,700. Unemployment hangs around 80%, and life expectancy is 48 for men and 52 for women. About half the people over age 40 have diabetes, tuberculosis is common and the alcoholism rate is the highest in the United States. 

If you would like to know more about Pine Ridge, here is a great site.

I did not mean for such a huge rant but I am very passionate about this and I dont feel like it is okay for the US to sweep the Native people of this country under the carpet just because we wiped them out and took over their country.  Did you know that Europeans killed (directly and indirectly through previously unknown diseases) an estimated 50% of the population of North and South America in only 4 years!  (this is supported by archaeological data and this occurred in the 1500-1600s.  I would have to look up the exact dates).   But there are written logs of explorers who visited , Cahokia, near modern day St. Louis and described a massive city of 40,000 with earthworks larger then anything north of the Aztec pyramids.  Monks Mound at Cahokia was once larger then the pyramids at Giza!  When the explorers came back a few years later the city was in the stages of collapse and many of the people fled because of disease (smallpox), which the explorers had brought with them the first time they came.  Those who fled Cahokia spread the disease everywhere they went. 

Could you image the terror a woman must have felt when an unknown disease wiped out your entire village... then you and the 4 survivors run to the next village and bring smallpox with you, killing their entire tribe of hundreds in a matter of 2-3 weeks.

There used to be a charity that sent handmade items to Pine Ridge but they closed because they didn't have the money to continue.  I have a great friend who visits reservations and brings what he can.  Maybe next year I will be able to coordinate a handmade item drive for them. 

Ok I am going to stop now...  I had intended on showing what I had finished this week and some of our Yuletide decorations but I think I am going to save those for the next post.

Are you a blogger? I need your help!

This is a call out to all my fellow bloggers!!!

I need help on a paper!  I am really excited about it because its such a cool project and it involves all of you!

I am taking a class called Visual Culture which is basically studying how people look at images and how they interpret them.  Basically it is how I feel/think/react to a image (photo, film, painting, ect).  My reaction/feelings/thoughts are dependent upon the culture I identify with.  The class also deals with understanding how a person/company can manipulate images to prove a point that the image was never intended to prove.  I saw a great example of this recently on a commercial for a allergy nasal spray.  They had three Van Gogh paintings hanging on a wall, one of his self portraits, the Sunflowers painting, and a picture with a woman and cat.  The "joke" was that the Van Gogh portrait was allergic to the other two paintings and he needed allergy spray.  I am sure Van Gogh never intended that his painting be used in this manner but the advertisers manipulated the images to make it work.  They do it all the time.

My paper is comparing family photo albums with family/personal blogs. 
Things I am noticing...

-I think that having a blog online documenting your children's lives is very different then a family photo album.  Not just in the narration, but also in the  way photos are taken. 

-Often in a photo album there are highly posed photos and photos of big events like births, birthdays, Christmases, Easter, Baptisms, ect.  Family/Personal blogs do not have the same kinds of photographs at all.  Many are spur of the moment and they often evoke strong feelings to the other bloggers.  Am I correct? 

-I noticed on one blog that out of 45 photos including people, only 15 showed their face.  Mothers seem to be getting more creative when it comes to photographing their children and to me it seems like capturing the "small moments" are becoming as important as birthdays and holidays.

Keep in mind that I am comparing blogs with photo albums (real ones that sit on a bookshelf and you show to your son's girlfriends).

Here is what I need to know from you...

-Why do you enjoy blogging?
-What is your blog to you (diary, journal, online scrapbook, a way to meet people, ect)?
-Why are you documenting your life in a public way(online)?
-What do you hope to get out of blogging?
-What do you do differently on your blog that you do not do with your family albums?
-How do you represent your family on your blog?  What twist do you have?  Are you using your children to model the clothes you make?  Are you showing the world how your family lives on a ranch, farm, or city high-rise?  Or how you are all living off the grid, going green, or homeschooling?
-Do you still maintain another photo album where you can view your photos and show them to others but it is completely private?  Either at home, computer or online.  How?
-When you are photographing your family do you compose photos with the knowledge that they might be online?  For example, when I took Halloween photos of my daughter I made sure I cropped out the apartment # of my home.
-How has blogging changed the way you look at photography?
-Please add anything else that you think I might need to know.

For blog readers:

-Tell me why you like to read other peoples personal blogs, why are some your favorites and what draws you to a blog repeatedly?

-Last but not least, I need permission to quote you in my paper and online because I know you all will want to see the final product.

Anyone who would like to help is welcome!

If you would like to participate please leave a comment or email me at binah06 (at) yahoo (dot) com.!

Thanks for your help!

I had a whole post with my recent projects ready but when I saw the news last night I had to write a new one.

Amazingly I have not seen any of these thing on Yahoo News yet.

Well we can start with the most important, the children's toy Aquadots has been recalled because the gel in the toy dots metabolizes into the date rape drug GHB when your child eats them!!!   That is the last straw!  All of Pumpkins toys from China are going in the trash today and I am notifying all of our family and friends that toys made from China will be returned to the store this Christmas and her birthday.  This is just one more reason to buy homemade.   

The second horrible happening is the Oil Spill in San Francisco Bay, at the Bay Bridge!  Last I heard it was 60,000 gallons of oil from a Chinese container ship.  This has massive consequences and I really hope that this oil does not reach Santa Cruz!  Trust me though, the price of seafood is going to skyrocket if the SF bay is contaminated, if Monterey Bay is contaminated too then this could be a massive disaster!

My last bit of news seems to pale now in comparison with these others but there was a demonstration that turned violent at my school, UCSC, yesterday.  The students were peacefully protesting the long range development plan of the school which is going to log 120 acres of beautiful redwood forest to build Biomedical facilities.  I am not sure which is worse, the logging or the biomedical facility.

The world is making me sick today.  I think I am going to stay home and sew...or study...or "deep clean" Chinese toys (maybe all Asian made toys) from Pumpkins room.

Why Buy Handmade?

With the coming of the holiday season, the online crafting community is crying "Buy Handmade for the Holidays!"  What I would like to tell you is why.

1.  Handmade items are often more well made then the same item by machine.

2.  Items made by indie designers are not made in sweatshops.

3.  Supporting small business is good for the economy.

4.  Small business owners are often everyday people trying to make ends meet.  As opposed to multi-billion dollar big box stores that have unethical treatment of their employees and are sitting in their million dollar homes sipping Kopi Luwak.

5.  Handmade gifts use less energy to make thus helping the planet.

6.  Handmade items are often one of a kind... do you want a one of a kind designer bag that doesn't cost 1-2 months rent?  Buy Handmade!

7.  By buying handmade you can almost guarantee that the receiver of the gift doesn't already have one.

There are seven reasons.  Can you find more?

Pledge to buy handmade this season here.

Missing...

So I have lived here a little over a month.

I miss my friends... you dont realize how much their company means to you until you dont have any anymore.

I miss my family... no matter how irritating they can be sometimes.

I am bored... I have nothing to do until school starts.  I am one of those people that needs activities to fill my days and right now I dont have any.

School is starting in 3 weeks... OMG!  I am afraid.

I never realized how hard it was for me to meet people.  I am not great at making new friends and I am really insecure when it comes to people I dont know!

I havent seen the sun in over a day & a half... I think its already affecting my head...

Oh yea,  I gained 5 pounds.

So far, today sucks, but its going to get better dammit!

My ABC's

I keep seeing this meme around blog town and I dont want to do the whole month thing so I am going to give you a quick ABC roundup in honor of this popular meme.

A is for Anthropology-  My major at UCSC.
B is for Brae- My precious daughter
C is for- California, I have never lived anywhere else.
D is for Dad and Dave-  I have 2 dads
E is for England- My dream vacation
F is for Frogs- I am fasinated by these creatures
G is for Geneology- I have my paternal side back to before 500 AD- Addicting
H is for Horses- I have one named Megan who lives with my father in law for now
I is for Ice cream- my all time favorite desert
J is for Jasper- My first best friend
K is for Kittens- I helped deliver countless litters before I turned 12
L is for Literature- Books are a godsend
M is for Melissa- a name I still dont identify with
N is for Night Owl-  All of my life
O is for Ocean-  where my soul is at peace
P is for Photography- My number one passion
Q is for Quilt -I have made only one
R is for Rain - My favorite weather
S is for Sewing- Something I love to do
T is for Tom - The love of my life
U is for Understanding- Something I strive for
V is for Veggies- I try to eat as many as I can
W is for Water- my favorite element
X is for X marks the spot-  I am a total treasure hunter
Y is for Yarn-  I love to collect
Z is for Zoo-  I think my house will turn into one with all the animals my hubbie wants in the future.

That was fun... and more difficult then I expected. 
I'll be back soon!